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Saturday, April 8, 2006

So You Wanna Be a Ho?

Pittsburgh is not a big city by any means, but it certainly does try to act like one. Most big cities have numerous parks, plazas and squares (i.e. Union Square, Central Park, Bryant Park, etc...), Pittsburgh really only has 3. One of the main ones is Market Square, an oddity itselft.

Most squares and parks are closed to traffic, however, Market Square actually has one of the main drags of Pittsburgh, Forbes Avenue, running smack dab down the middle of it. Buses, bikes, cars, people, and pigeons all use this thruway in one manner or another. There is a small stage used for rallies, impromptu plays, concerts, but mostly, homeless people and crack ho's just hang out there.

Yesterday, I went to one of the main restaurants on the square for lunch, and things were normal in the square. The busses were trying to run people over. The homeless were feeding the pigeons (I think it's a ploy to fatten them up for dinner). The crack ho's were peeing.


Hold it, let me back that up a bit...

So, there I was, leaving the Oyster House, fattened up on a fried chicken sandwich (delic.). I turned the corner to head back to my office and this crack ho was walking around, dazed and confused with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth and that crazy look in her eye. Her weave looked like it was held on by elmers glue and a safety pin and she was not happy with life. Nothing unusual, right? WRONG.

Crack-head Sistah Girl decides that she's going to walk right past me, unbuckling her pants. She then proceeded to lean her bare ass on the outside brick wall of the Oyster House, lean forward, push her ass backwards, and pee all over the building. She wasn't looking around. This wasn't in some dark alley. It was lunchtime and people were just walking past her...while she peed.

Even though I'm a city boy, this sort of behavior never fails to make me stop and go "hmmmm?" I guess there's still a slight air of naiveté about me. I've seen homeless do many strange things like poop in their pants while walking and then shake it out the leg, chase pigeons screaming; hell, I even saw one woman drop her sweatpants and scream at the top of her lungs, "Don't TELL me you don't want this pussy!" (trust me, no one wanted THAT pussy. No one!) But a woman pissing on a wall...that makes me think "Oh Felicia, Where the fuck are we???"


At 4/09/2006 9:59 AM, Blogger Needtsza's whiny, bitch-ass comment is...

Welcome to another day in the life of "people of South-easy Washington, DC"

Don't even get me started on those rejects of the world. Peeing on buildings would only be a step-up (a few steps actually)

And European squares have streets in the middle of em. Well, sorta. Ok maybe not. But WVU's campus did! How 'bout that?

At 4/09/2006 10:09 PM, Blogger honeykbee's whiny, bitch-ass comment is...

One time, in college (not band camp), I went to the local grocery store, twas a big old Giant Superfood, pearly white walls and all, inside of Greenbelt strip mall. INSIDE OF A MALL. On the way out, I saw some dude walking his dog inside the mall. WALKING HIS DOG INSIDE OF THE MALL. As I carried my groceries out, a plop plop plop trail of dog poop was evident, and said dog could be seen being dragged on the leash and dragging his ass along the tile. People.

At 4/11/2006 1:42 AM, Blogger Amanda's whiny, bitch-ass comment is...

Oh, lord.

I feel sorry for them, but really. Don't pee on the wall, people. It's not asking much.

I'm sorry I am never online or around -- I hope everything with the big move is going well! I miss you, poodle. Let's do something this weekend. :) I bought Narnia, if you haven't seen it yet.


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