Counter-Revolution

I've tried to keep things quiet for a while now regarding my job hunt, but unlike Suri Cruise, I shall bring it out into public now.

The interview after work on Thursday of last week went very very well. So well, in fact, they decided to offer me a higher position than what I had interviewed for. Plus, they tell me in their offer, they like me. They really like me.

However, their offer was less than likeable. It was a 5% decrease in pay and about 15% below industry standards for such a position. Also, they only offer half of the holiday and sick time that I currently get (which is at a standard). Oh, and they don't match on the 401(k) regularly.

So, as a counter, how about this:

Hey You!

You like me, yet you aren't willing to pay the going rate for me. I'm not a prostitute, but you sure did make me feel cheap with your sub-standard offer.

The pay you suggest is sub-standard. Don't tell me I'm pulling that statement out of my ass, either. I ran your job description and company profile past a friend of mine who makes a living by consulting companies on fair and equitable salaries; an expert in compensation! In the words of Margaret Cho's mom, "What? I wasn't born tomorrow!!"

You said in the job description, "this job requires long hours," and yet you aren't giving me much time off? How rude! You want to work me to death, then only give me 6 paid holidays for the year, 3 sick days, and no vacation for the first 6 months??? OUCH! No, seriously, OUCH! That really hurts. Basically, you are saying "you are going to work like a slave for us for the next 6 months and only have Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years off. No vacation. Don't even think of getting sick again (which would really suck, considering the lack of Short Term or Long Term Disability insurance...insurance I wouldn't be able to afford on my own with the proposed salary). Forget a life!"

Really, it's great that you want me to work with you. However, we must to be realistic. I'm not going to walk into the dealership expecting to buy a Beemer at the cost of a Kia.

So, I want you to up your salary offer by 10%; Give me some f'ing time off (hell, the Europeans get 6+ weeks off to start!); Assign me a corner office; Buy me a red swingline; and God Damnit, SALT! I want SALT on my margarita. You say you like me; well, prove it...treat me fairly!

Sincerely,


Moi

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