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Monday, August 13, 2007

Toilet Humor

...or, How I Spent My Summer Vacation

I know it's not very cerebral, but I really have a thing for toilet humor. A psychologist would probably have a field day with that fact; however, I will analyze it myself.

Most of my childhood was spent moving from town to town, thanks to my daddy's 20 years in the Navy. I didn't like making new friends with kids; it was too difficult. So, I learned to just hang around with my parents' when they had friends around. I was quite shy around people my own age, yet could open up to any adult I encountered. As such, I didn't spend much time discussing the finer points of adolescence.

I learned a great deal from the adults that I encountered. I learned to swear effectively. I learned how to pop the top off of a beer bottle (and then drink down the neck before handing it over to my father). I learned how much rum went into Uncle Wayne's rum and coke (just a splash, for cullah). I learned just what a french tickler was for and why they were sold at rest-stops (thanks for that enlightenment, Mom). Well, some of these (including the last) were things I learned due to my inquisitive nature.

Because of this, I just didn't have anything to talk about with the kids in my class. They were busy planning sleep-overs and pool parties, while my sleepovers sometimes ended up with someone naked and drinking a tequila sunrise (don't ask...seriously...don't ask) while watching Saturday Night Live.

I related to my teachers more than my classmates. I remember one day discussing the merits of Cheap Trick's new album with my 6th grade teacher, who was really digging my Sony Walkman. So, I would sit after class and during breaks to help the teachers out. It wasn't that I was teacher's pet, it was just that i felt I had more to learn from Miss McKay than from Riley Weber and her down-to-her-ass ponytail asking me to "go with her" on the playground (to which I had responded, "go where?").

Growing up fast, I didn't realize what I was missing. Specifically, toilet humor. I mean, most of the movies dad watched were full of the stuff. I would watch Porky's, Revenge of the Nerds, Hollywood Knights, and Bachelor Party with him, but I wasn't really allowed to enjoy it fully. I would laugh, but then dad would snap, "why are you laughing so much, you don't understand this!" Or, like the day he shot me a die-now look from across the room when he heard me utter the words "hair pie." -- I got spanked quite harshly for that one after we got home.

Even though I was exposed to adult stuff as a child, I really wasn't supposed to act on it in public. It just wasn't something that was looked upon positively. My growth was stunted. I had to behave like they thought I should, which would have been a mature adult, even though they weren't and I shouldn't have been at that age.

So, as I got older, and moved out on my own, I allowed the vulgarity to blossom. I now swear like a sailor, fart like a 3-month-old on formula, and tell jokes that would make the upper crust crumble in embarrassment. That is also why, now, I giggle like a school kid when I read this: Funny as Shit!

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4 Comments:

At 8/14/2007 5:17 PM, Blogger naechstehaltestelle's whiny, bitch-ass comment is...

There is nothing wrong with toilet humor. No matter how old you get, there's nothing like a good fart to lighten the mood. I still giggle when I write "abou tit" instead of "about it"

Heehee...tit...

 
At 8/15/2007 8:27 AM, Blogger honeykbee's whiny, bitch-ass comment is...

Lewd. Disgusting and lewd. I am appauled.

 
At 8/15/2007 11:56 AM, Blogger mineIsay's whiny, bitch-ass comment is...

I'll have a swear off with you any day of the week. That iWipe is disturbing, and that hole in the ground i one reason I will not be joining my booboo when he goes to China with his 'rents.

 
At 8/16/2007 7:50 AM, Blogger naechstehaltestelle's whiny, bitch-ass comment is...

When I lived in China, I didn't understand how those squatter toilets worked. It was only when, after the first time, I stood up and realized I was facing in a different direction than all the other users that this was the reason I kept getting pee on my shoe.

 

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