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Sunday, June 3, 2007

Have Wings Will Travel

...or What am I, a Retard Magnet?

So yesterday I flew back from Atlanta. Someone please tell me what is up with people on planes? I was in the front row of coach, so I thought that I would lag behind during boarding and let everyone get ahead of me. I didn't want to have to have people crawling around me, nor did I want to have people waiting for me to get my shit together and put away.

I got to my seat, put my suitcase away, shoved my backpack under the seat in front of me, and then put my new little neck-donut on so that I could nap comfortably.

Suddenly, this very large older couple get on the plane and it's obvious to me that they are going to be sitting to either side of me. I said to them "would you like to sit together?" To which they replied "NO! who wants to sit in the middle!??!?!" Um, Yeah... If you are a couple, it's quite alright for you to have one of you sitting in the middle; it's actually not that bad. But NO. They had to plop their fat asses down on either side me.

So Mr. and Mrs. Piggy are sitting there, with their fat, flabby arms hogging up the armrests on either side. This wouldn't have been so bad, save for what happened next...

The plane started to take off and the hulk-like man in front of me decided it was time for him to put his seat back...right into my lap. This was a BIG beast of a man -- you know, the kind with neck rolls.

Then! his baby, who I refer to as Rosemary's Baby and who was sitting on his wife's lap, started to scream like Bambi finding out what venison is made of. This baby girl SCREAMED for the next hour. She then threw her mom's ice water down which landed on my sandaled foot, scaring the crap out of me and getting all over my backpack. I pressed the button for the Flight Attendant to assist, and "Miffy" (name changed to protect the retarded) responded with, "it's just water."

I said, "but it's on my bag!"
"Is there anything in there it might damage?"
"Oh, just a laptop, digital camera, iPod, and my planner. So yes."
"I'll get you some napkins."
"Yes, you do that."

Fuckin' Idiots.

Meanwhile, the fat asses on either side of me wouldn't give me a single inch of elbow space. AND! they kept passing food and other items back and forth in front of me. I was so close to causing a scene, but I kept my cool. I deserve an award.

The only good thing about my flights on AirTran was their satellite radio on every flight, which is a good thing. It just wasn't enough to make Rosemary's Baby and the Pork-Pair tolerable.

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5 Comments:

At 6/04/2007 10:47 AM, Anonymous B's whiny, bitch-ass comment is...

omg! I felt kinda bad at laughing at your story here, but jesus christ! Could more have gone wrong? Why yes it could have. You could have made a scene and then be sent to a different airport and then arrested for being a jerkoff.

This is the only thing that keeps me from losing it on people on planes.

Then again, a flight attendant woke me from a dead sleep once and I said, "I'll fucking kill you" as I opened my eyes.

 
At 6/04/2007 2:03 PM, Blogger mineIsay's whiny, bitch-ass comment is...

Aww, sorry S. I hate it when flights go bad. I've been pretty forgiving about flights since I flew back from Miami in a thunderstorm, now i'm just happy if I land. As a side note, I won't fly anyone but JetBlue anymore, it's just not worth it.

good move not losing your mind, but next time, maybe there will be another seat on the plane that would be better?

Verification: rebumf

 
At 6/04/2007 9:52 PM, Anonymous b's whiny, bitch-ass comment is...

aw man. Love the Blue! Hate the Southwest!

 
At 6/05/2007 1:43 PM, Blogger honeykbee's whiny, bitch-ass comment is...

Isn't flying the worst? Makes one long for the days of walking everywhere or just not going. People are gross.

If I were you, I'd write a letter.

I write an awful lot of letters.

 
At 6/11/2007 5:18 PM, Blogger honeykbee's whiny, bitch-ass comment is...

I lurve your drawing =)

 

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