RockStar

...or, How Embarrassing!

Don't get me wrong. I like recognition, but in moderation. A month or so ago, my boss returned to the office from the Executive Management Team meeting. This is a week where all the big shots get together and talk about the prior year's performance and the upcoming year's goals. Boring shit, huh? Upon her return, she told me that I'd been given an award for the work I did on refacing the Employee Training and Development site. I mean, it took me 2 months to do (while still doing my real work), and involved me learning asp and hooking the site up to a SQL server for data updates. It was fun, and I really enjoyed the results. Apparently, so did the higher ups.

Anywho, I thought, "award, cool, I'll get a piece of paper and a pat on the back at the department meeting." No biggie, eh?

Well, yesterday at the all CS meeting, which is where my entire corporate headquarters (over 650 people) get together at a local ballroom (hehehe ball) and find out about the company's performance and goals and shit. No big deal. Boring, but fairly benign...so I sit in the back of the room.

As the afternoon progresses, I suddenly hear the Senior VP of HR say that this year the Execs decided to give out awards of recognition to star performers in the company. I start having visions of embarrassment, "just say my name, let them clap and leave me be." "

SVP: "When I say your name, please come to the front of the auditorium where you will be presented your award by the Chairman and CEO and get your picture taken with them. "

Me: "Awwwww FUCK"
Girl whom we call "Helen": "Whats wrong?"
Me: "Nothing"

So I scramble to check my hair, make sure my face isn't shiny, my zipper's not at half-mast, and that there are no stray boogers hanging anywhere. The polite applause as each person gets their award is sobering, but not terrible. Then they say, "For completely redesigning the Employee Training and Development site and making it a user-friendly ... blah blah blah... Scott...."

I stood up and started making my way to the aisle when:
::Thunderous Applause and Hollering from my Girls in HR and AP::

"AW FUCK"
"Scott,get up there"

I turned 10 shades of purple as I walked up to the front where our underwear-named chairman laughed and handed me my award -- that scary pointy glass thingy you see to the right. Walking back to my chair I was afraid that I was going to be the one to trip and impale myself on the award in the aisle.

Just can't wait to see the fucking picture. I also can't wait to tear the girls in AP a new one come Monday morning. My other boss, in Atlanta, was on via web conference and emailed me with "Wow, you had the biggest applause of all of them."

The good thing is, I got a good laugh when I finally looked down at my award. My last name was spelled wrong. Fuckwits.

PS: Spellcheck doesn't recognize "fuckwit" but suggested I change it to "Fuckhead". I love technology.

Labels: crap, daily life, office insanity

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