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Monday, October 22, 2007

Weekend Getaway

...Or How I spent my weekend blowing money

J and I decided to take a weekend trip up north to see the leaves change. Granted, they don't change all that quickly if you stare at them, but they did get more colorful the further north we went.

We drove past my 'rents, up to Lake Erie, took a right turn, and then drove along the lake until we hit Buffalo.

Then we crossed the river and made our way into the land of Hockey, Syrup, and Mooses(meese?), eh?

Customs were friendly. All they wanted to know was where we were going to spend our money to support their economy.

Turns out, they are very accepting up there. They don't care who comes up to visit as long as they pay the taxes. The Canadians even name their streets in our honor.

We stopped by our hotel found on something that sounds like "Rice wine," then walked on down to see the infamous Niagara Falls.

I'd seen them twice before, but never from the Canadian side.

To be fair, I did hear them from the Canadian side once, but it was 1a.m. and I was half in the bag. I'm just lucky I didn't fall in.

If you go to visit, you must see them from the Canadian side...much prettier.

The falls greeted us with a little rainbow. I thought to myself, "Hey, this country isn't half bad, eh?"

So what if they can't pronounce "about" and who cares that the entire country has an issue with over-taxation. These people are still pretty cool.

The woodland creatures were very friendly. This little guy walked up to me and offered me a blowjob for some crack. I gave him a busted nut, and that seemed to keep him happy for a bit.

But then he stole my wallet, camera, and tried to make love to my shoe while singing "Rock Me Gently."

I looked over the edge of the falls and found this poor suicidal pigeon, who had all but lost all faith in the world. I did manage to talk him down from the ledge, but there's no guarantee that he didn't go home and wash down a handful of 'ludes with a fifth of black velvet.

Then again, I have no control over that.

We left the falls for a bit to do some gambling and then have dinner at the Hilton. I only lost 15 USD at the Casino Niagara, but I think I found out what happened to the pigeon; the $35 chicken breast tasted vaguely gamey. Unfortunately with the exchange rate, that made it too ridiculous to even post the price, but the view was fantastic.

After dinner, we strolled back down to the falls to check out Canada's homage to gay america as they illuminated the American falls in rainbow lights.

Something tells me it was less about aesthetics and more about thumbing their noses at Bush (leave me to my fantasies).

After taking another 100 pictures of the falls, we walked around town and found many drunken college kids as well as several specialty boutiques selling ::ahem:: fine glassware.

They seemed to want our money, but didn't take too kindly to me snapping their pic. Oh well, if you don't want your momma to see it on the internet, don't do it in public (or with Paris Hilton).

The next morning, we snuck back across the border with a load of Duty-Free booze under the car seats. The doberman at the border was quite snippy, but we gave her a milkbone and scratched her behind the ear and she let us through. Only after reminding us that we needed to have proof of citizenship with us. I think she meant a 10-spot and some coke, but I didn't stick around to ask.

We zipped off back into the USA and then headed to the place where I spent the last year of my youth (and lost it to a manipulative bastard).

The school looks much different, yet still familiar, even after 12 years of being away.

Finally, we stopped by Orchard Beach in Erie on our way home to kick some seagulls and poke a few dead fish with a stick. Oh, come on now. Don't go all PETA on me. We didn't kick the seagulls; we put alka-seltzer in front of them and made them listen to John Tesh CD's, then we counted how long it took them to off themselves.



At 10/23/2007 3:20 AM, Blogger naechstehaltestelle's whiny, bitch-ass comment is...

What a fun trip! Those Canadiadians. I do love the pic of those people in the "glassware" store. If their lungs weren't so fried, they'd probably run after you to take your camera.

At 10/24/2007 2:36 PM, Blogger honeykbee's whiny, bitch-ass comment is...

How lovely to see you boys frolicking with Canada's finest rabies carriers! I hope you smuggled back some penicillin along with all that Jack Daniels.

Tell the guy manning the register that if he didn't want to live in the limelight he should have chosen a career less in the public eye than being proprietor of Niagara Bongs.

At 10/25/2007 8:47 PM, Blogger Scott's whiny, bitch-ass comment is...

honey please...you're confusing your meds. penicillin is for the clap, not rabies. And I don't buy Jack Daniels, I got some Crown Royal and Lemoncello


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