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Sunday, April 20, 2008

Snark

...Or, "And now back to our regularly scheduled program..."

So we've had enough bunny fever for the past couple of weeks. The little guys have left the nest, and though I did see one little bun-bun yesterday, they are on their own.

I took Friday off to use up vacation days so I don't lose them (since I work in the insane world of education, our year started on July 1). I don't know how I'm going to cram all of this time off over the next 2.5 months, considering: a) I'm flying to San Diego in a little over a week for work, b) I have that vacation to Florida next month, and c) I've got to fly to Chicago in June for a conference. I have a total of 4 out-of-state trips planned this year -- Not bad for someone who loathes flying.

Anywho, So I'm off, right? Well, I decided to gussy up my car (did I actually just use that phrase) with a wash and a wax (so now it's raining) and then go for a drive.

I was driving down the road at a reasonable speed, and by reasonable I mean less than 10 over the Suggested Speed sign said, when this crazy-ass bitch tries to kill me. So I'm driving, right, and this crazy Soccer Mom with over-processed hair pulls right out in front of me. I slammed on my brakes (thank god for anti-lock brakes), and just barely miss her. I laid on my horn, and proceeded to give her the universal gesture for "you really upset me, you twat." She then starts that "waving arms in air like a frantic woman knee-deep in clearance purses at Filene's Basement and can't seem to find her own" gesture, which always pisses me off worse.

Then I noticed that she had one of those DARE license plates and a car full of little girls. And I thought "Awww yeahhh. Ammunition!" as I pulled alongside at the next light.

She tried to cut me off with "I didn't SEEEEE you!" (almost as bad as the "I didn't MEAAAAN to!" lady). I then screamed back "I wouldn't worry about your little girls going on drugs, your driving's going to kill 'em." To that, she was stunned speechless...and I drove along on my merry way, feeling vindicated.

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2 Comments:

At 4/21/2008 4:48 PM, Blogger mineIsay's whiny, bitch-ass comment is...

love it! you have the best comebacks when you're fearing for your life!

 
At 4/21/2008 5:36 PM, Anonymous neill's whiny, bitch-ass comment is...

remind me when the chicago trip rolls around...i can give you some restaurant recs.

 

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