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Tuesday, April 17, 2007

I'll F--- You Up!

...or Nothing says "honky" quite like a big-ass red Dodge 4x4.



So my baby, a Nissan Sentra went into the shop today to get the corroded grille and dented bumper replaced and the BRILLIANT folks at Enterprise gave me this f'ing monstrosity!

I saw it and said "You have GOT to be kidding me?!" To which they responded, "It's the smallest we've got left." Yeah...um...Sure.

I've not felt this much like a cracker since I was living in South Carolina and used to drive my Cousin's '82 Dodge Ram around (complete with lawn mower in the back). I swear, just give me a fuckin' gun rack, Santorum sticker, and a couple of coon-hounds and I'll be set to go to the truck and tractor pull.

This thing is supposedly not a huge gas hog. It takes Flex Fuel, which I believe is OPEC's term for "Just shove a few small middle eastern nations in the gas tank...you can even leave the turbans on."

Holy F'ing Shit, man!

I am going to call this bad boy Moses, because when he rolls down the highway, the traffic parts like the Red Sea.

So, does anyone need help moving this week?

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3 Comments:

At 4/17/2007 12:21 PM, Blogger honeykbee's whiny, bitch-ass comment is...

Congratulations! You are officially the only gay man in America who is driving one of those bad boys! Good thing it's temporary.

I think its purty.

 
At 4/17/2007 12:40 PM, Blogger Beakerz's whiny, bitch-ass comment is...

If this was the smallest thing they had, what was the biggest?

Love the "moses" line.

And you're certainly not the only gay man in America who drives one of these, though you might be the gayest

 
At 4/18/2007 11:13 AM, Blogger mineIsay's whiny, bitch-ass comment is...

While you're at it, how's about some poon-hounds?

 

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