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Friday, May 23, 2008


I'm trying to get back into the swing of things having returned from 90-something weather to 50-something weather, so I will just throw out some random shit to keep y'all for now.

Observations on Vacation:

  1. Floridians cannot drive -- It's called a TURN-SIGNAL people! USE IT!
  2. Jersey into Florida ≠ Classy -- Some woman got totally ripped apart by yours truly for abusing our waitress. The conversation went something like:
    Bitch: This bread is HORRIBLE and DISGUSTING! Take it off our bill and OFF the MENU! (a) bread was delicious, b) the nasal Jersey accent is not pleasant at any hour)

    Bitch: What is this crap? I ordered the Mahi sandwich!
    Waitress: You ordered the Mahi...you didn't say sandwich.
    Bitch: Take this back and get me what I wanted! (yah, I heard her order.. she said "I'll have the Mahi" dumb bitch)

    Bitch: What is this ON (stress nasality of voice)??? Get me a real bun! Gawd! (um, yeah, the bread was a beautiful crusty hoagie roll that looked delicous)

    So waitress brings out a hamburger bun...
    Bitch: What? This bun isn't TOASTED! How do you expect me to eat this???

    The rest goes much like this:

    Scottie (walks over to Bitch's table): Excuse me, ma'am. We're sitting at that table way over there having a fabulous meal.
    Bitch: Yah So??? (Janice from Friends wasn't this nasal)
    Scottie: Well, your attitude towards the waitress, who has the patience of a saint, is ruining our meal.
    Bitch: Mind your own business!
    Scottie: It's kind of hard when your voice is piercing through the air 10 feet away and making it our business.
    Bitch: Mind your own business!
    Scottie: Are you from Jersey???
    Bitch: Mind your business. I LIVE Here! (with Jersey accent)
    Scottie: Fuckin' Jersey (turns and walks away)

    Oh, and Bitch got up and left...and waitress thanked me profusely.
  3. Mental Note: I don't want to see another Bahama Mama after our Bahamian cruise
  4. Mental Note #2: When ancient hobbit of a man is wearing a speedo, don't look up as he bends over to rinse his scuba equipment, and thus expose his old balls to yours truly
  5. Open Letter to Fort Lauderdale: Dear Sirs: There is such a thing as free parking, Lycra is not intended for exterior-facing clothes, Rename your roads.
  6. To Pittsburgh: Please take note of Florida's climate, and try doing that.
  7. Northwest Airlines is Ghetto, Filthy, and Annoying; please don't tell me that there is a malfunctioning error light and that's why we are going to go back to the gate and sit on the plane for the next hour while some schmuck in a maintenance uniform checks it out
  8. If I EVER get my hands on those assholes who had to get off the plane in Detroit even after being asked to wait for those of us with very short connections, I will hurt you. You are evil and you must be destroyed. (We JUST made our connection, because the next pilot decided to wait 10 minutes for us to get there.)

Ok, that's it for now. Toodles all!

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